I want to be on a BEACH in the HEAT!

Hey I told you how much I HATE this cold weather?? Why am I living in the north east?? I should be living in sunny Florida, south Florida that is...Well maybe one day..My girls will have to go with me though, I won't leave them here in NJ...I know in order for me to sell my house and move away I have to finish my college degree..That was one thing that I should have finished long ago..But, like everything else that happens in our lives, we never think that they are going to happen..I always thought that I would have time for my education, that it will always be there for me when I was ready..I was so busy having our children and being a stay at home mom all those years.That was never an issue for him and I..He would go to work and provide, and I would be home for our girls..It was important to both of us..Now, that I am alone to raise them, not that I have to finish raising the oldest, she's 20 and in her 3rd year of college..But the younger 2..The middle one is in 10th grade and the youngest is in 6th..So, I still have a ways to go..But, I have been thinking of what I want to do when I grow up (LAUGHING)...Before Otto died I had it all planned out..I was going to go back to school for radiology and then go on to nuclear medicine..But, guess what, now I don't want to be working in a hospital or imaging place..I don't want to see things that people have, like cancer, tumors, masses, etc..All those things have adverse affects on me..Too many years of dealing with that category..It's sad though, I am good at it..I take it all in, and suck it up like a sponge..I know he would be telling me to just go and do it, that I wanted it before, not to let what happened to reshape me or redefine me..But..damn it!! It has..I can't help it, the memories will always be there no matter what..
There is one other profession that I always liked, that is the law field..I am too old to be a lawyer, but I can go for my BS in paralegal studies like I mentioned in a previous post..Well, we'll see what I come up with..I will keep you all posted on my progress..
It's hard to figure things out when you don't know where your going, when the road ahead of you seems like there is no destination..It just keeps going..This is definitely not the life that I envisioned..If I only knew what awaited me, him and the kids..I wouldn't have changed anything..I still would have married him, had his children and still would have loved him with all of me..I think I would have lived harder, lived like we were dieing, not waited for the perfect time to do things..You know we always wait for that moment, the moment we feel is the right time..But, all in all it's bullshit, there isn't the right time for anything, to have kids, to buy the house, a car, vacations, etc...Just do it, live it..Tomorrow is never promised to anyone..I surely know that now..I have always known that, but losing Otto really brought that home...Like he always said "Live your life to it's fullest"..I miss that man more then anyone could know or even imagine...

On another note:
I just got a call from an insurance rep..Not mine, but the other drivers insurance company..In the beginning of Dec. my oldest was at a gas station getting gas, waiting at the pump when this guy in a flat bed backed up and hit her passenger side rear door...I don't have collision coverage on her car because it's too old, but I reported to accident to my insurance and put the claim into his..The owner of the company called me, and informed me that he would be sending me a bank check from Bank of America tomorrow morning to cover the damages to the car..$1,500 dollars worth of it..I'm going to take the car to an auto body place that Otto took the Camry to when he was hit..They do great work..The owner apologized for his driver, he claimed he was never told about it..I guess he found out when his insurance company called him..The owner told me tonight that he fired that driver..OH WELL, TIS' IS LIFE!!! Jackie's happy, she's going to get her car fixed, she says her car looks GHETTO!!! (Laughing again...) Well, it's time for "Lost" it starts tonight..Have a goodnight everyone..